It's hard to admit and it's even harder to learn: no matter what we feel, strong feelings do not make wrong things right.
Boy, doesn't that sound like the #hugot of the year?
There's a great rush that comes from feeling so passionate about a relationship, a particular perspective, a person, or even an opinion! Everyone must have had one of those or more -- an idea that was worth fighting for, an opinion they would gladly put on their final resting place to get the last word in a lifelong argument, and even a person they'd take a bullet for.
There were times in my life when I have been driven by passion to the extent that I have missed a turn and forfeited what so clearly was God's blessing designed for me to enjoy and experience for the glory of God.
At 24, I have learned that the truth does not and will never rest on feelings alone and it's actually good that it's this way for who out there can truly, fully, and honestly claim to understand his or her own heart in the first place?
“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick, who can understand it?”
Yes. That's right. The Lord of all Creation Himself, the powerful God who chose you and I before the foundations of the Earth were even laid down (Ephesians 1:4), tells us the heart is desperately sick. So to follow our heart rather than what is actually true is folly. But if the heart by powerful grace is led by that which is true, then how wonderful life is for that person, right? What a beautiful sight that would be!
You see, the Bible drops truth bombs quite straightforwardly like that... just the way how we like it. And I am a firm believer that if we pay attention more to it, we are bound to find something truly comforting, consistent, reliable, and wonderful.
When Half a Thousand Sheep Died from a Mass Jump
First thing's first! Why is it so important that we process our feelings right and that we anchor it on something infallible (therefore not our own reasoning)? Because while there are beliefs that are perfectly harmless like believing we will grow taller when we jump during the first day into the new year, there are important beliefs that have much more serious consequences like thinking that those we are following in life are leading us into the right direction when in reality they are about to jump off a cliff.
In Turkey, all it took for 500 sheep to die is for one sheep to courageously jump off a cliff. While this does not seem like something people would do, some of the biggest things that have happened in the past in our society that caused SO much pain and chaos in the world are somewhat like this in essence - things that were wrong but felt right and so they were done in confidence. We often follow what we feel is right. We do it so confidently but it can lead to rock bottom. So what shall we use in guiding our decisions? Because that's a big part of life, is it not? To make decisions constantly as we navigate the different seasons of life and meet people.
I wish I can say all my experience and education in life have perfected my gut feeling at this point but to each season of life its own unexpected obstacles. Therefore, I believe we ought to ask, "Which way is right?," "Who is telling the truth?," and "How do I know that who and what I believe is true?" These are important questions to ask in my opinion because happiness, abundance, welfare, and growth are things we can enjoy when we know what's right and we have no doubts. When we know that our feelings are based on the truth, even if we do not know the future like Professor X there's peace and rest that comes with waiting and taking our time.
And it's so important for us young adults and older folks to know this so we do not engage in an intergenerational war that will keep fights ongoing and peace and forgiveness unreachable. Now more than ever it's crucial to be in an honest pursuit of the truth.
When Something Wrong Feels So Right
The attention we put over our feelings and what's inside our hearts and other people's hearts are a lot, which is awesome, but it also led me into asking: Is there a right way to process what I feel? I have long held the belief that it is good to honor feelings but it is right to be humble enough to check if we are believing the right thing because what we believe in will impact how we feel and affect how we love and treat others - whether we are conscious of it or not.
At one point I thought, "Maybe it is one of those things I better leave to trial and error?" But if I do, I will undoubtedly subject myself to heartaches - majority of which may be completely avoidable and unnecessary. So why do that to myself? Unfortunately, I learned this lesson later in my young life so I have oftentimes been the cause of my own hurt and I have noticed and experienced that it's harder to get out of a pit when you yourself have dug a hole so deep.
This is one of the many reasons why I believe the Bible is the best thing to read out there. In understanding who we are, the world, and the challenges and beautiful things about life - you need a source. Everyone gets their information from someone or something. Everyone formulates an opinion based on what a witness saw (could be a news reporter, a reliable citizen with a good credit, a charming politician, etc.). So why not believe an account based from manuscripts that are to date the most cross-referenceable in history, far more than manuscripts pertaining to Plato's teachings whose existence no one seems to doubt?
Getting on the Right Train
C.S. Lewis once said, “The heart never takes the place of the head: but it can, and should, obey it."
It's a beautiful thing that we feel! Feelings are a gift from God but they are not meant to overshadow Jesus, the only living God.
Even being able to feel pain is good in certain contexts. I don't know if you can relate but I used to love those vintage-looking wallpapers that say follow your heart. But among the biggest discoveries God made known to me is that Jesus' promise of abundant life is so deep and full that it does not rely on what self-help books, Netflix shows, late night talk shows, and school or work accolades have to offer. Everyone wants to be happy but feelings follow faith and faith follow truth.
It's tough to live life being led by feelings and letting ourselves be our own gods because we simply are not of such nature. Perhaps you have been through it or perhaps not at all but there comes a point when it's just plain exhausting letting feelings lead us into overthinking, burnout, and judgment. Sometimes, it becomes exhausting because we feel like do not even know if what we are putting such great effort into is worth it or if we are even doing the right thing. When I was asked a question by a young girl the other day, "Ate, how do I cope with not knowing if what I am working on will yield good results?"
So I said, "What does the Bible tell us to prioritize?"
From my experience in studying the Word of God, I have time and time again experienced how when we read the Word of God we are bound to find the priorities we should have and why we should have them. And despite my hyper-inquisitive mind, I have not been able to find any logical reason why not to follow them.
Many come across commands in the Bible and shun it, much to my heart's despair. But if you give it the attention it is due, you will see God's love letter to you and understand the answers to the whys of the world. You will see that you are loved by a living God who hears and knows exactly what you are going through and therefore would like to save you at no cost to you despite Him knowing every imperfect curb in your life - every dark thought that ran in your head, every life you refused to value in your heart, and every action you have kept from the world. I couldn't think of any reason why anyone should let go of this gift if they are in the know.
When we know what God lays out in the Bible, we treat those as facts because what else would they be? When we put our faith on the Word, there comes the assurance that whatever it is what we are doing and whatever steps we are taking though we do not know the future to its fullest, we are glorifying God on our way there and when we get there we will only be closer to Him. Feelings will then follow! But when we choose to reverse this train and put our feelings before the facts and let our faith be anchored on anything other than the truth, we will undoubtedly be swayed by anything and it will not be too hard for us to fall for anything - be it negative thoughts, wolves in sheep's clothing, and so on.
Story time!
There was a time in my life when I was gravely hurt by a person who had a pretty higher rank than me in one of the organizations I am a part of outside of work. And we working on this project that will reach thousands of people around the world who have decided to come together for a common, good cause. And when I was hurt by this person by what he said to me in a meeting where we first met, I thought about quitting because this guy will begin to oversee our projects and I was not treated with respect because of something he thought I could not do whereas in every other area of my life people have confidence in me by the grace of God. He did not know me well as it was our first encounter but he already said pretty harsh things, and basically it was one of those I-am-too-good-for-this-$%#@-how-dare-you moments in my head. And maybe you had experienced that. I totally feel for you!
Anyway, after that brazen encounter, I could not attend the following meetings without feeling a little teary and I also knew I had the capacity to communicate my feelings in such a way that it would put him to shame but I felt like I was limited because I cannot treat him harshly. And wouldn't you guys agree that it hurts so much more when you know you can argue your way into something but can't? It's so hard to swallow my hurt ego and I felt these strong emotions. It hurt more because I am thinking the wrong things such as quitting the project, telling everyone I knew to be powerful in the organization about what he did to me despite my contributions he does not even know about, and so on - all because of something wrong someone did to me I was ready to do hurtful things. We can do that when we put our feelings on the throne.
But you know what? I praise God that His grace is at work in my life. He reminded me that the tongue is pretty hard to tame (Proverbs 18:21) and the guy clearly has a struggle with his temper. He may or may not see it as a struggle but God says it has consequences. Psalm 37:8 says, "“Don’t give in to worry or anger; it only leads to trouble.” I am not in his inner circle to know what his experiences in life are but I know that he will not go unscathed if he continues on. So I prayed for the guy and I asked God to lead me and for him to also know his errors. A good colleague who consoled me asked me if I wanted to take it up with the guy but I said if he does not know what he did was wrong and that is obviously why he had the confidence to act the way he did, what difference would it make if I reinforce my feelings?
And so God put it in my heart to remember that He placed me at this really good organization to be of services to others and use my time to glorify Him not myself so it should not matter that this guy did to me what he did. God gave me skills that no one can take away but God. God purposefully led me where I am to serve. Why am I thinking of serving my feelings and not God and His truth that even what people do against us He can turn into something good? Why am I quitting when I am given the privilege to serve God at this organization? I realized I cannot quit when I do not feel like it because in my mind and heart is the greater knowledge of who God is and what He says about love. Jesus says in John 13:35,
"By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Now, when God tells you to continue despite the odds that seem bigger in the moment than the big picture, what do you do? Thanks to Him, I pressed on with love. And you know what? The project had been the most successful project of the organization at the time when it was completed. It reached many people and the guy told me that it was a good choice of the organization to have me handle the project after everyone received the project well.
Honestly, my carnal self would have probably said, "Thanks but I am highly disappointed with what you did the other day." but it's also worth noting that my carnal self would have quit long ago so this is a moot argument.
So, of course, when I heard the guy see God's work in our project in my heart I just confirmed that when you are the child of God and when you follow Him, He will redeem you and give you favor in the sight of anyone. And it's amazing because our God is the same God who has granted favor for Joseph in the eyes of the Pharaoh of Egypt when he did not know how to handle the upcoming drought. And Jesus is the same God who granted favor to Hagar, the oppressed female slave who has been wrongly treated by her female master.
Now I haven't asked God for the guy to be proved wrong but He graciously and mercifully granted me a full circle assurance that I will walk out of that project knowing I am seen favorably not because of my own strength but because God has planned out everything to work out according to His plan.
And that my friends is one of my many stories that show that when we follow Jesus and put our faith on Him and His Word, feelings will follow.
And because of that experience, I can smile and laugh when I experienced similar challenges at later times because I know nothing is hidden in the sight of God.
He has me covered and He is my constant refuge so I do not need to go to lengths just to prove who I am, impress people, call them out so aggressively, or get back at that them. My identity is in Him and it's locked in and secured. My focus is not how I can earn stature in the world or please people just because but instead how I can respond willingly to God so much so that I get to experience my potential in Christ as I grow. Isaiah 41:10 says,
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Conclusion
Feelings are beautiful gifts from God but must be kept at the right alignment next to our object of faith (Jesus and His Word) and our own faith. Feelings are terrible gods, and so I pray that though we stumble at times... we will not perpetually walk in the dark thinking that our feelings dictate what is right. Because knowing the truth of God is to know how to answer the difficult questions of life. It is to know when not to compromise despite being judged and persecuted. If we stand for nothing, we will fall for anything. While it's good to be open-minded these days, there has to be boundaries with how we live because at the end we are all accountable to what we do and our impact to people occurs in hundred different ways. Moreover, to know the Truth is to know the promises that await those who are faithful and know how great a blessing we would forfeit if we are to deny what God says to be right.
So, friends, let's get and stay on the right train and have the right object of faith: Jesus. Making our work, academic life, parents, dream, or significant other the object of our faith simply will not cut it.
God will not stop being God when we do not follow Him but it will affect every aspect of our lives if we will choose not put Him first. So when good and ill feelings are coming up the surface of your day-to-day life and leading you to act and think in a way that does not align with what God says, remember that there is a living, personal God who knows your name and preserved truths for you to think about and follow so you and I will live an abundant and enjoyable life - a life with a purpose. What more can we ask for when we have God?
John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
That's all! Until next time!
Do you want to talk to God? Nothing's stopping you! Here's a short prayer :)
Lord Jesus, I come to you reminded and saddened by the times I have so gravely attempted to live my own life being led by my own feelings and self-will instead of your Word. I do not have a personal relationship with you and though I do not know you well right know, I ask that you reveal yourself to me so I will come to know that you are a real and living God. Please open my eyes to the truth so I can experience the salvation and joy you offer. I see what you are doing in other people's lives and I would like to to invite you to my life. I ask that you transform my perspective so I can live in spirit and in truth. Amen.
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