In a world that often thinks being judged is on the wrong side of tracks, how should we consider viewing it when we talk about love?
One of the movies I have overlooked and did not have any sort of regard for in my high school years is Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.
I know, I know. Some of you may be gasping in unbelief right now because how can anyone not like the film?
Personally, I think I was too young in high school to have watched it. It was a pretty standard school requirement and I just was not drawn to it because I liked shorter, newer content more as any Power Ranger-loving teen does BUT now that I am older and actually able to understand the Southern England accent. I really liked the film a lot and I will accept anyone's offer to lend me the book because I lost mine (haha!).
For those who don't know, Pride and Prejudice is a renowned fictional story with scenes here and there that are absolutely on-point and thousands of people relate to because of the pride and prejudice that oftentimes get in the way of budding relationships.
MR. DARCY'S PROPOSAL
The proposal scene is is my favorite part of the film. The scene, the banter, the eye-to-eye contact, and the hard-hitting lines the main characters are spitting at each other are cinema gold. And the communication major graduate in me rejoices when watching it. It is not the confession that primarily struck me but the reality behind the reaction of Elizabeth. She was very quick to understand what we often miss when someone tells us they love us the first time.
Mr. Darcy meets Elizabeth in the pouring rain and tells her that he can't bear to repress his feelings any longer. He boldly tells her he admires and loves her... most ardently. His voice even breaks while saying the words.
Now, if there are any gentlemen reading this, take good note of what he said there. Because that line is a winner.
However, as what you will see in the scene below, Elizabeth was not pleased. Because Mr. Darcy went on to say that he loves her against his reason, will, family's expectations, and better judgment. So she swiftly rejects his love.
*cue record scratch* Wait, what?
For some of us it may seem ridiculous that such passionate and straightforward confession of admiration and true love against all odds may be rejected and easily dismissed. Mr. Darcy understandably felt the same!
And so, he went on to ask,
Might I ask why, with so little endeavor at civility, I am thus repulsed?"
This highly educated and affluent man was probably thinking "Here I am putting everything on the line against everyone's expectations of me despite the inferiority of her status in life because I love her and yet she so quickly dismisses my love."
If you ask me, what the tall, handsome, and confused Mr. Darcy did not understand when he proposed is that there can be no true love in the absence of judgment.
And, true enough, Elizabeth knew that.
She went on to say,
And I might as well enquire why, with so evident a design of insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your better judgment?
TO BE JUDGED BUT LOVED
To be judged for who you are but loved is the best thing there is.
And when I say "judge," it is not the stereotyping or prejudice we often associate with the word "judgment." By "judge" I mean the actual account of who you are without any image management strategy, white lies, and discrimination.
I think it's a matter of general knowledge that many of us go out in the world swiping left and right reading all sorts of bios, striving to put out there the best version of ourselves even hiding to the best of our ability the awkward quirks and any dark part of our history to someone we're hoping would like us. But isn't the best part when that phase ends and the person you love knows all these things and still chooses to be with you? That is why you hear in vows, "For better or for worse..."
It just does not speak of circumstances to come but past matters that may have bearing in one's present that are not in the existing knowledge of the significant other or, at least, not yet anyways.
One thing I have learned the past years is that however in love we may be with a person, there is always going to be something new we will discover about them. We will never really know someone fully. We may know their favorite cereal, the time they go to work, and what their face looks like when jealous but we never really exactly know what they are thinking, the skeletons in their closet (if there are any), what they are doing when we are not around, and what they will do in the future while in the relationship. And that makes love a great adventure because you continuously know someone. On the other hand, there are also hard hits that can come out of these things that really do shake relationships. For instance, some spouses find out later on their significant other has a pornography problem, while others find out the love of their life does not flush the toilet when he goes for a number one because he wants to save water. Others find out their significant other has insurmountable debt. Meanwhile, there are those who later find out their partner has an opposite preference in parenting. The list goes on. And when you are loved with all these things in the full view of your partner, that's one great love.
But alas, we are people with limited time on Earth and so there is no way we can know everything about the one we love. They are unknowable in this context.
That's why I can think of only One who loves you and I to the point of death - in the presence of the fullest and most accurate judgment of us -- Jesus Christ.
And He's the reason why we even know how to love. After all, it is revealed,
We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19, NIV)
More than two thousand years ago, Jesus Christ died for you and I not because of our potential, promise, or merit, but because He had mercy on us, so once and for all He died that we may be saved if we believe in Him by faith. So anything we lead ourselves to do today in an effort to earn salvation is completely unnecessary.
2 Timothy 1:9 (NIV) says,
He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.
Now, why was there a need for such a bloody, brutal, and painful sacrifice?
Hebrews 9:22 (NIV) says,
In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.
And so, Jesus made Himself into a man while still being God and chose to die for us even when He did not have to so He can shed His precious blood to give us sinners a way to God.
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5, NIV)
Who here has no sin? We all have fallen starting at one point in our lives. And the God who sustains us all reveals in His Word that this means we are a sinner. But the good news is that there is no sin, no past so drastic, and no failure so big in the present, past, or future that can make Him love us any less. He knows you fully well and for that reason has died for you. He is a righteous judge but He is also abounding in love. And because of this unconditional love He never has and never will force us to love Him.
And because of this free will that we have been given we have a choice whether to reject His saving love or accept and cling on to Him.
Knowing that He has a forgiving heart does not mean we deliberately sin because He also generously provided the guarantee that there will be consequences when we stray from Him. He says in Galatians 6:7 ESV,
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.
WHAT IT MEANS TO BELIEVE
When we are in Christ, we are no longer a slave to our ill habits, self-driven life, or our impulses and cravings. Rather, He enters into the picture and takes the lead. We simply abide. He says in Matthew 7:24,
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.”
This is why anyone who claims you need to do good works to be saved does not really know how much he or she has sinned, and does not know the Word of God. Are good works important? Yes, but it's not a way to earn one's way to Heaven.
For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and this not from yourselves; it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:9, NIV)
I don't know about you but when I read this truth and experienced it I was so happy and rested knowing that my life is not on my hands or some vague higher power that I do not know or on my own hands that fail me so much. My life, the moment I surrendered to the only living and knowable God named Jesus Christ, has become purely the Lord's. He made my heart tender enough to know that it is Him that I needed. And maybe He's knocking on your heart too. Do not ignore it for it's far from coincidence you experience that supernatural tug.
"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them, and I will raise them up at the last day." (John 6:44, NIV)
YOUR CHOICE, YOUR LIFE
To be judged but loved is what unconditional love looks like.
If we really think about it, it's only Jesus that loves you and I and in the presence of full and accurate judgment. And should we choose to accept that love, it is the kind of relationship that will fill the God-shaped vacuum in our hearts.
And this is one of the shocking discoveries I had experienced in my life, actually. I had no idea God has set eternity in your heart and in my heart. And, from my observation, that's why we adore those movies and songs that speak of eternal love, immortality, and endless love even though none of us really know what eternity feels like from the get-go. Some of us fail to understand it's not make-believe or a busy and successful life that will fill our heart's void for "In every human soul is a God-given awareness that there is “something more” than this transient world. And with that awareness of eternity comes a hope that we can one day find a fulfillment not afforded by the “vanity” in this world." [Source].
Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV) says,
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
GEORGE WILSON
There is a transcript you will find in Cornell Law. And it's about a convicted criminal George Wilson who was handed a death sentence by the circuit court of the eastern district of Pennsylvania.
What's the best thing someone can give a criminal who is waiting certain death? Freedom, of course!
On the 14th of June 1830, U.S. President Andrew Jackson granted pardon to the convicted robber but a few months later around October George Wilson appeared in court and said that "he had nothing to say, and that he did not wish in any manner to avail himself... of the pardon referred to."
It may seem shocking that this stripped him away of his opportunity for freedom but the reality is it is according to law that "the court cannot give the prisoner the benefit of the pardon, unless he claims the benefit of it, and relies on it by plea or motion... It is a grant to him... he may accept it or not, as he pleases."
And it's the same thing for us as it were for George Wilson. We have been given a gift - by a wonderful and merciful God even though we do not deserve it. We were on our way to hell but in this life time we get a grace period - an opportunity to know Jesus, accept Him, and lead people to Him. And so now, it is ultimately our decision whether we will do as He says and make the best decision we could ever make or ignore everything and refuse. Either way, it is pretty clear what makes sense to do when you know you are judged accordingly and yet greatly loved.
Until next time,
Grace
Sources:
This hits me so much! Thanks for this! 😮