Just before winter began in 2019, one of my favorite people and I stared outside the windows of a McDonald's restaurant in the Big Apple at 2:00 a.m.
We looked outside admiring the towering Bowery skyscrapers, talking about how we came to the realization after a long journey of finishing college and landing our current dream jobs that our mothers, though imperfect and faced many challenges the past years, have been so loving and good to us, and how we were benefitting from lessons taught by them even though we were thousand miles away all grown up.
"It's extremely hard to raise a kid," we both thought. With all the half-truths, appealing lies, and cunning pretense at every corner of the world as we know it, parenting just seems like hard, impossible work.
But could it be that with the right parenting handbook, it can be a truly, deeply enjoyable and manageable adventure?
"So how did we end up not losing our way though we often venture far from home?," I thought.
I knew that it's all because of God's goodness and mercy for He is in control and sovereign. Now, this very truth points me to the reality that among the blessings God has graciously given me so I will not depart from His truth is my mom. In fact, because of her dedication, I actually grew interested in what goes into being a mom just like her that I sat down to interview her about a year ago.
Call to motherhood
I have always been amazed of the unique role God gives mothers - a role He has designed Himself. After all, family is God's creation and idea!
Knowing that family is God's design and blessing, it's good for all of us to take a look around and see what things we let in our homes that can very well attack our most important earthly relationship that God has appointed for us to have in this lifetime: the relationship we have with our family.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:10-12)
As far as her call to motherhood goes, my mom shared that her desire to be a mother surfaced in her 30s. I remember her telling me each year around my birth month - when it's pouring hard for most days - that she had her eyes set on becoming a mother at some point when she became a "career woman."
She was pretty sure she wanted a baby.
Then I fell onto her hands.
Haha! Kidding! It took some time, of course.
Favorite memory as a mother
"I named you Christine Grace because you were given by the grace of God and I prayed that you will grow to be a follower of Christ," my mom explained when I asked why she named me my long name that made my nimble fingers hurt in kindergarten.
To be a follower of Christ.
Apparently, this is one of the prayers God has graciously answered for my mom and He has indeed kept me close despite my attempts to chase after sweet nothings.
"You hugged a lot. That's one of my favorite memories of you," my mom added.
"Oh, and when you learned how to write that's one of my favorite memories from your childhood."
My writing got so intense that it reached a point when my mom would wake up from an afternoon nap and she'll find a love letter from me to her stuck in her armpit. The love letter was not so much a letter but more of a declaration that I loved her... in case it's not clear, you know. Normal six year old matters.
I think among the reasons why my childhood turned out good and I grew to be a pretty confident kid for my age - as my mom described me - right before high school was because God gave me my mom who made me feel valued and nurtured. She taught me well since family is also one's first school. I recall reviewing for quizzes and exams that supposedly just have ten items or so by answering a reviewer made by my mom that had 300 questions - talk about commitment!
I honestly think it's such a shame that when I went out to the world and became more exposed with other people it went a bit downhill: I started to not be satisfied with how I look, how I fare in comparison to others, and so on. But over time, God used these experiences for good as I became more confident in my skin now more than ever which is important in the marketplace (professional work) and in day-to-day life for I should not walk by the flesh but by the Spirit. And these struggles I have faced I often use to encourage a circle of good friends still in high school and colleg - all possible by God's grace alone!
A mother's biggest fear
What's a mother's biggest fear?
"There's a fear that your child would get sick at some point or be harmed by others," my mom shared.
As she pondered upon my question, she looked up slightly as if remembering the day she laid her eyes on me for the first time, the time she brought me to elementary school, and the day she let me go live overseas on a college scholarship.
My mom is both the strongest and softest lady I have come to know. Even as I have grown up, rather than being controlling, she has consistently chosen to lay out the truth for me in digestible form and entrusts me to God as I make a decision.
But like any human, she has fears that spring up every now and then.
"You wonder during your child's teenage years if (s)he would be influenced by the wrong peer group and in his/her adulthood, you worry about your child falling in love with the wrong person," she said.
And as she said these, I thought of all the times I cried to my mom about some bully in school, some cruel teachers who wouldn't let me get excused from an exam when I was unwell, and the time I loved. When you have a child so precious to you, I realize you live their painful days too and I can't help but think if the pain and worries are amplified in their hearts.
"Being a parent is a 24/7 job - one is always on the clock thinking of his or her child," my mom added.
And, personally, this leads me to three truths:
(a) following God's lead in parenting is the best thing any parent can do. For who can actually safeguard anyone for 24/7 apart from the Lord who is omniscient?
Dedicating one's child to the Lord is what's right and, honestly, what's needed;
(b) God is an active parent. He loves me more than my earthly parents ever could. As a loving Father, He never stops loving you and I even in moments when we're unlikeable and is never limited for He is from everlasting and is omnipotent.
Who can be greater?
(c) My mother's parenting handbook is the most comprehensive of all - God's Word (the Bible). It's for everyone and covers everything, and it greatly helps us not to lean in our own understanding. Proverbs 3:5-6 say,
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Best thing about being a mother
Twenty-five years in and I can attest that my mom lives by this Word of God in Deuteronomy 4:9,
Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.
Over time, there is a temptation to forget what God has done in our lives out of love and mercy and feel entitled to dedicate our present in what we think we deserve. From what I witnessed, it is not easy to be a mother and give up a great career to dedicate time to watch your child grow and guide his or her steps. And that's exactly what my mom did.
Her love entailed sacrifice, and in that sacrifice she made the most out of it, by God's grace, by teaching me who Jesus is and remember all that God has done in her life and revealed to her as is said in the book of Deuteronomy.
"The best thing about being a mother changes over time," my mom said.
"At first, there's the companionship. You have someone precious as God says in Psalm 127:3 with you. And in your child's youth, (s)he helps you to think and you get to be more mobile partly because of your child. And, of course, when you get to see your son or daughter live well by abiding in God in their adulthood - it's a great thing to witness."
In James 2:26 it says, "For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead."
Among the markers of a life lived for Christ are obedience and love. For some, they cringe at the thought of "obedience" to God. I know this because I used to, but only because I did not know that Jesus will do so much more to my life more than I could ever dream or hope for.
I also did not know that all that He commands me to do from matters relating to school to working to managing resources are for my good. And He has actually saved me so much unnecessary pain, worry, and hardships.
And though I faced difficulties, He fought them all. In Exodus 14:14, He says,
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
Knowing a child's heart
"I asked you to pray out loud often when you were little," my mom shared.
"I wanted to know what was in your heart."
I laughed at the thought. "Geez, my mom conned me," I exclaimed. But I also felt warm inside. What made her a good mother are her prayers, efforts to teach me about God, and she also knew how to be my prayer warrior.
Even in my 20s, she always asked me to pray when she did not know the right answer to my questions, which if you ask me is of prime importance. After all, parents do not have everything figured out and they shouldn't feel like they have to. They are people too with limitations and shortcomings. They will make a number of mistakes as well. So it's good to be directed by them to the One who can provide the answers we need and correct us with love. But should it come to a point when it's our parents who do not know the Lord then we ought to call their attention to Jesus.
I do not have an extensive recollection of the things my mom had told me as a kid but, to end, I wanted to share three consistent things she did with me that really mattered and had a later impact in my life (which would be today - haha):
have a conversation after reading the Bible
have a conversation after school/work
she reminded me not to be afraid of sharing anything to her even if anyone threatens me to not share something to her
"When you were still small, I used to read the Bible with you, and then when you got the hang of it on your own you started reading on your own eventually and when you were about to open the Bible you would tell me: 'Mommy, I will go feed my spirit,' my mom said.
"I thought you picked things up easily. I remember I handed you a book when you were a toddler and could not read yet. The book was upside and down. You looked at it and turned it right side up."
In 1 Corinthians 13:1, it says
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
True enough, it helped me a lot that my mom knew how to walk the talk most days. She is imperfect but she has been even-tempered my whole life and never provoked me to anger which was a good balance compared to the other things I received from another authority figure in my life.
There were days when it was rough between my mom and I just as it is with any mother and daughter out there but she loved God truly so she loved me well with all she's got. And she still does.
For that reason, a relationship with the Lord evidently proves to be all the more important. It's not about keeping a mere religion but about being connected to the source of wisdom and life. How can anyone pass on sound advice without knowledge of God who knows everything and gives wisdom? In James 1:5, God says,
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
"When there are moments when I was unsure of the right call I would call on to God," my mom added. "He would know what I should do."
As life is
"Since you were founded on God's Word, I did not have a hard time letting you go when you had to leave the country," my mom said.
"I am proud of you," my mom added as she acknowledges God's faithfulness to both of us.
"More than the awards at school, your travels, it is your obedience despite having your own work that I am proud of. I just have two pieces of advice for new moms:
(a) first, a child should be anchored in God's Word;
(b) and enjoy your time with your little one because when they grow up they'd spend a lot of time working and you'd have to let go of them when they grow older.
That's all for now! Hope this made you think of God more. Know Him well.
Until next time,
Grace
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